Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Love to Love you, baby

The deeper I connect with myself, the more I'm experiencing love. I feel it. I find that it is at the root of what catalysis me into more and more peace and growth in my life. Whether it is expansion on a physical or internal level, love is always present. The more I allow that feeling of love to move through me on every level, the more shift occurs, without what I would call, effort on my part. I live as love lives, no matter what I happen to be doing, feeling, thinking, or saying. There remains a part of me, glowing, growing, that unabashedly receives, appreciates, and allows all that I am, regardless of where the rest of me is at. There is a presence of care and affection. It's not that uncomfortable states have ceased to arise, it's that I find myself having access to love, safety, a sense of being supported, in spite of this uncomfortable state or situation. More and more I am able to be authentic with myself & others, set healthy boundaries, and able to move towards what I desire with more confidence and bravery. Synchronicities grow all around me like leaves on a tree and there is a deep sense of being guided, like Jen doesn't have to figure it all out, I will be supported no matter what!
Gradually my reactionary self calms down and knows it no longer needs to go haywire to get my attention. I am willing to be with myself no matter what I am going through. I feel what arises and love is automatically there to greet it, most of the time now. Where as before resistance, or judgment, was what would automatically await my "bad feels". It's not that I am resistance free, it's just that I feel the love for the resistance too! Instead of the resistance being the dominant energy relating to my uncomfortable emotions, now love fills that space. So even when resistance arises, it doesn't cause me to lose connection to my unconditional nature. With this comes a sense of being far more rooted and settled into myself, so to speak. Anchored. Loved.

So what is this Love thing, anyways? If self love is at the root of all congruent expansion, then how do we "do it"? That is probably the most important question of all, I suppose first we must have a handle on what self love is, and what it isn't.
What we have going for us, is that we have a thorough education on what love isn't, as most all of us have been raised in conditionally "loving" environments, at best, and 100% of us have been raised in a highly conditional, hierarchical, culture and society. While we have been taught to perceive failure, or the negative, as an all around bad thing, we forget that it is showing us what not to do, and also what is not preferred, which gives rise to a greater sense of what IS wanted and what DOES work for us, which catalyzes us to find alignment in our lives and selves. It's super helpful! So why doesn't that happen for so many people who try to move on from unfortunate circumstances? Because they are still being conditional with themselves and their past. We resist what was, and run in the opposite direction, and repeat the same patterns out of sheer resistance to experiencing the pain from the past. We don't break the cycle of abuse internally before going off and trying to create something else.
If we get lost conditionally focusing on what isn't or wasn't wanted, we will miss our expansion, and plunge deeper into those patters, consciously and prominently unconsciously. They say that the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This is what we are doing, and then wondering why the world is the way it is. By this I mean, we consciously/unconsciously repeat conditional self love patters that we inherited from our families and culture. We reinforce this corrosive way of being onto ourselves into adulthood to varying degrees. Why would we do this? Because we haven't known how to close the gap between conditional "love" and unconditional love. We move on, try to be better, focus positively, but without first moving through the wounding that has occurred. We keep trying to standardize, punish/judge, and push ourselves into wellness... and that just isn't getting results.
When we are conditional with ourselves, we send the message that somethings are ok, and other things are not ok about us. We train ourselves to be, or at least pretend to be, what is ok... and resist the hell out of any part of us that isn't ok, through varying avoidance techniques and defense mechanisms we gravitate to. We have to do that, avoid and defend, because being conditional with yourself is a highly unnatural state and requires a lot of denial, deflection, justification, detachment, disassociation, and numbness to maintain it. When you are conditional with yourself, you are bound to end up in some major resistance to your very nature. When you are conditional with yourself judgment is inevitable. Judgment is that inner critic that tells you Bad! Wrong! Simply not good enough!! This is the opposite message of love. While love allows space for all of you, conditional "love" forces you to cut off from these aspects of yourself, that are now rendered frozen in judgment. Now you not only have pain, you also have a resistance to pain, which causes long term suffering on some level or another.

Conditional love is the punish/reward system in action. When you feel good, when you do good, when you are getting validation, you reward yourself there, or deem yourself acceptable there. And when you feel bad, when you do bad, when you're not getting validation, you punish and disapprove of yourself there. You put that part on a "time out" until it is acceptable, or worthy of approval. If you repeat this enough, you train yourself to go unconscious whenever discomfort arises, instead of moving through it to a better feeling state naturally.
Essentially most of us have no idea how to consciously recycle (process) our energy and emotion, and instead completely abuse our use of the trash bin (the shadow/unconscious). Instead of transmuting the energy, we automatically shove it down, down, down, into the unconscious. Negative emotion needs to be validated before it can let go, or feel better. So relating to yourself conditionally causes the inability to really feel totally ok, or safe, and so we then must pretend to be ok through a mask. And as they say, if you wear the mask long enough, you forget it's not your real face. We completely start to identify as the false self and lose even further connection with ourselves. Eventually our lives, our relationships, our bodies breakdown from this lack of presence with your true self, and all that was shoved into the unconscious, more and more overflows, and gets mirrored in your reality. Causing you to feel TRIGGERED and need more, and more to numb yourself. 

So... after conditionally "loving" yourself we get; 1.) pain, 2.) resistance to pain = suffering, 3.) a myriad of destructive avoidance tendencies, 4.) and a mask that creates further separation from self. Ouch.
We know that conditional "love" says some things are acceptable and somethings are not acceptable about us. Unconditional love has no such prejudice or discrimination. True love accepts, includes, and brings presence to whatever arises, be it negative thought, uncomfortable feeling, or body ailment. It can notice alignment or misalignment, but it does't judge and say, you are not ok as you are, and you need to change for ME, or I will reject you and deem you unworthy of acceptance, approval, and even my very attention. It embraces what arises without judgment and with utter thoughtfulness, respect, with validation, empathy, condolences, and compassion. Total inclusion. The good news is, you don't have to like something, in order to love it. Meaning, "while I don't prefer how this feels, or how this part of me acts, it is a part of me, and therefore deserves loving attention like the rest of me does".
Unconditional love holds you in your divine potential, even when that part of you has disconnected from it, and now seems very negative. Unconditional love has the space to allow for the negative part, to BE negative, without relating to it negatively, like with judgment, but instead with open arms like you hopefully would an upset child. It embraces feeling, thought, physicality, and spirit in whatever condition it is in, because it knows that something doesn't become negative, without first being deprived love. So anything that seems negative is just another divine aspect of myself that hasn't gotten what it needed in order to thrive, and is now calling my attention back to it through this negativity or pain. Nothing is wrong with me, nothing is bad. It just feels uncomfortable right now, because it hasn't gotten the loving attention it needs to find it's exalted form. I don't need this part to find it's exalted form for me to experience it as completely worthy of my loving attention because it is not bad or wrong. It is simply in pain. End of story.
So often we are told to stay positive, which in turn causes us to focus on the things we already feel positive about. This can only take you so far if you don't learn to focus positively on the negative. That is being unconditional. Unconditional love allows us to release resistance to our uncomfortable sensations, because it is free of judgment, so then we can actually fully feel them, embody them, which automatically allows them to flow, and raise up the vibrational scale all on their own, just by virtue of feeling or being with them as they are! Resistance, aka conditional "love", actually lodges negative emotional hooks deeper into us where they metastasize. Non resistance and loving presence allows them to have the space they need to find their alignment again.

It's like if you've ever had a really, really intense cry, where you bawl, and sob, and just let it all out until you can't cry and more... and then you feel better! Not because the situation that is making you cry has changed in and of itself necessarily, but because you allowed the sadness to come to a natural completion. This is how our emotional systems are designed. So when you honor the natural emotional system, which unconditional love allows for, the body then can then do it's job, start releasing the "happy hormones" in our brains, and we feel better! Only then are we resourced enough, and a vibration match to, creating actual positive change in our lives, instead of just running from the problem. When we move through the emotions brought on by painful events, we don't need to keep recreating them. But when we don't, by virtue of our unconscious/conditional focus due to unresolved wounds, we keep attracting the same situations in different forms, and the same person in different bodies, until we meet the pain with loves presence & awareness. When we do that, we start to attract those situations and people that can actually aid us in actualizing self love to an even greater degree and expression.
So what does this mean? It means we cultivate love. Love who is present, inclusive, allowing, attentive, compassionate, and ready to serve in the most thoughtful and respectful way possible. This doesn't mean that we condone harmful unconscious behavior in ourselves or others, it just simply means, I hold the divine in you, I know you are not inherently bad or wrong, even when you have forgotten that, and have now felt and done imbalanced things. We dedicate ourselves to focus from that space, take responsibility for this pattern of conditional "love" within us, and create a new healthy base line pattern. To do that you have to commit to a new, conscious way of relating to yourself, VS being on autopilot mode in the conditional, unconscious relationship. This requires you to take conscious, intentional command of your focus and how you relate to the object of your focus. Like any muscle, it takes practice and process to really get it down, so to speak. Like riding a bike, at first we tend to fall off and lose our balance. This is true of being unconditional with yourself. And guess what, that's ok too! You can't do it wrong. When that happens, that is just the next part to be loved when you get back on the bike. You say "I love you part of me that went to judgment town for two week and resisted the fuck out of life by totally going into avoidance patterns! I love you. I am here with you now. I am sorry I lost my space. How can I serve you? What do you need? I'm sorry you're in pain. You have every right to feel that way, think that way. There is nothing you can do that will turn me away from you. I am fully here with you now. I love you. I love you." as you breathe, feel, and settle into your body.
By consciously choosing a more loving, or at first perhaps simply a more neutral perceptive (aka meditation), you can relate to yourself differently. Many people don't even realize that you actually can chose what you focus on and how you relate to it. If you come from openness, presence, allowance and a unconditional perspective, you are more spacious and able to question thoughts, or be compassionate and empathize with your emotions, VS being at the mercy of the negative perspectives your thoughts and feelings have accumulated, with no one there to love them and guide them. In the old way of being, a thought emerges, it's God. A feeling arises, you lose yourself to it. Without your heart, without your presence, there to relate to these aspects of ourselves, they end up running the show. We make some progress focusing positively on positive things, and then BAM! We're back in the lowest of the low, wondering why we keep ending up here? It's because we don't know that we need to love our fears and pains, to fully move beyond them.

How many times has the inner critic run your show? Meaning how many times have you related to yourself harshly, or coldly, like you were somehow bad, wrong, not ok, not enough, needing to be better to be ok? This is the result of conditional love. Wouldn't you rather have a compassionate, resourced, present, inclusive aspect of you running your show? This is what happens when you embrace your unconditional nature. When you see through the lie of conditional "love", and or, break down to the point of no longer having the energy to resist yourself, either by way of death, or conscious expansion in your life. In death we take nothing with us, nothing we externally gain, be it money, a romantic relationship, car, status, a white picket fence. What we do take with us is our internal growth. And as it turns out, when we prioritize that in our lives and start cultivating self love, all the external things that we spend so much time and energy trying to create, flow to us more naturally, often in ways far better than we could have ever planned anyways.
I write all of this to you from the bottom of my heart. There is no part of you that is unworthy of love, validation, respect, thoughtfulness, presence. No thought, feeling, action, or word that renders you irredeemable. No matter what you have done, or what has been done to you. You are completely worthy as you are right here in this moment. As you read these words you are loved completely. You do not have to do, think, feel, or be different in any way, you do not have to earn it, you are completely loved.
The question is, do you feel it? Think it? Do it? The more we take responsibility for our focus, and relate to ourselves unconditionally, the more space we have to every day, more and more, to be, think, feel, and Love does.
Ask yourself, how deep is your care? How boundless is your love? Would you take yourself on a 30 day self love challenge, just to see what happens? 

It might be time to start treating yourself as God does, with unconditional love.

I Love you.

Friday, January 9, 2015

The reality of choice

  The reality that everything is ultimately a choice has set in on a deeper level for me recently. But what I've noticed is it's not sufficient to make a choice from my mind alone, if I want to achieve the desired effect from my choice. My mind and my will must be aligned, focusing in unison, to receive the fullness of whatever I desire...whether that be to feel an emotion, an inner state, or to have an experience, an outer state.

  When I choose from my mind alone, the desired effect I want from that choice always falls short, crumbles, or doesn't manifest at all, when my will is not aligned with my mind. My will doesn't always align with my mind because my will is often insecure or because sometimes what my mind is coming up with actually feels bad to my will, for whatever reason. If I want to steer my life in a direction that I desire, and to create stability, happiness, connection, growth, balance, and satisfaction...then every choice I make in my life must come from my mind acting in unison with my will.

  For this to happen, my will and mind must be fully engaged and in communication with each other. I must give each side of myself an equal, unbiased hearing before making a choice. Collecting all the data each one has to offer, without resistance or condemnation, but with neutrally. When they disagree, it means there is a perspective one or both have brought to the table, that is not actually in alignment with my truth, and or objective reality.

  This means it's time for my mind and my will to have a conversation with each other. I call it toggling. You let your mind and your feelings go back and forth with each other, each time letting one or the other fully have the spotlight or stage. Allowing myself to fully express in this way allows for each perspective to better understand itself and the others perspective so they can integrate into a complimentary unit. This can happen when each side of myself is given complete acceptance and allowance to find balance and understanding...or in other words, to find alignment with the truth of me and objective reality. This requires on a  mental level contemplation, inquiry, and discernment. On an emotional or will level, it requires honest and vulnerable connection to all the layers of feeling I have and the ability to feel my way through my charged negative emotions so they can find balance and clarity.

  When they communicate in this way, by bouncing off each other by toggling back and forth between perspectives, understanding and eventually alignment with each other occurs. When I make a choice just from my will or just from my mind, I am really not making a choice at all, I am just in reaction mode. A choice comes from a place of understanding. And understanding is a deep realization of something, which cannot happen purely intellectually, or purely emotionally. Full realization happens when both my will and my mind find balance with each other.

  This is true choice. This is free will. Everything else is just reaction. Or not true action.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Finding Alignment

Pain, or discomfort, happens when we are out of alignment."Out of alignment with what what?", you might ask. The answer is our soul, our spirit, our "higher selves". We are more than bodies carrying out the narratives of our little lives here on this planet. We are absolutely an aspect of All That Is, which connects everything, because it is everything. We have all heard the concept, "We are all One". But what does this really mean? How do I integrate that understanding while in a physical body relative to my external concept of reality?

That is what we are all trying to figure out. Even those that reach what we call "enlightenment" must remain in constant vigilance to maintain that state because they still experience differentiation, or duality. The difference is that when they go out of alignment, they process it at a faster rate than your average Joe. We are talking in a matter of seconds, they can regain alignment because that has become the natural, en-trained, state for them. When you are fully in alignment with yourself, it is impossible to be of harm or to be out of alignment with your surroundings, because at a certain point there becomes no difference. 

Most of us are still unwinding knots from our childhoods that keep us out of alignment with who we really are. So when new negative experiences arise, we are unable to fully recover our alignment because we have not fully recovered from what has made us a match to this new negative experience in the first place. When we put our attention on regaining alignment with our higher aspect, our spirit, or soul, we are putting our attention on the aspect of us that experiences it's connection to All That Is. Full connection is not possible where there is denial present. That is why it is so important for us to trace back to where we went out of alignment with ourselves in the first place.  

Alignment is an inclusive, non resistant state. You could really say that self love is the same as alignment or enlightenment. When you are in a state of non resistance, or self love, you are not denying anything in your experience. You are not in judgment of what you're experiencing, nor are you necessarily believing, or buying into your experience, you are simply allowing. In this state of allowing arises desires and understandings that will attune you to the vibration which is self love, or alignment with All that is, from our physical perspective. 

When we are resisting our experience we go into negative spirals which in turn entrench us deeper into what we are resisting. This doesn't mean we have to be a doormat to our neighborhood psychopath. There is a big difference between having a preference, or desire, and moving towards that VS being in resistance. In one scenario you are magnetizing yourself towards alignment, and in the other, you are shutting down as a means to repel what you don't want. What this means is we have to find a way to exalt our negative experiences, starting with our negative thoughts, emotions, and patterns, instead of trying to deny, resist, or control them.

When we are fully in alignment, we are connected, and can access a new perspective that is so much bigger than ourselves. So paradoxically, when we are fully inhabiting our individuated experience, we are granted access to a more objective, universal perspective. When we are more in alignment with All That Is, we can, more and more, experience life in that way, as one. All That Is appears to be dualistic in nature, creating much contrast here on Earth. What better way to learn about what you are, but by learning what you are not! You would have to be everything and nothing to truly understand anything. On the path of alignment it is important to first fully embrace your individuality and align according to that. When you become more allowing with yourself, you begin to be more allowing with others and your environment. From there the lines begin to blur between what is you, and what is not, and you can allow yourself to navigate in a way that is of the highest good for all involved.   

Imagine a world where people were in alignment with themselves. We would be imagining a world of empowered creators who would have no need for governmental structures which are based out of resistant principals. Divide and conquer would be as out dated as the dinosaurs. For peace, and the experience of unity to occur collectively, it starts at home, inside yourself. The path of alignment can start with one question you must ask over and over, "What would someone who loves themselves do?". 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Who Are You?

Who are you?

   I want to talk to you about the intangible, about energy, about our internal universe, which mainstream science more and more confirms is what our reality is made of. Consciousness. We can easily lose track of this as we live our lives by the five senses, identified with our bodies, which sit in solid chairs and walk upon the concrete streets of our lives. Our culture seems to validate us more for what we “do”, and how we look, rather than who we “are”. How many times have you been asked, “So what do you do?”, rather than “Who are you? What are your deepest impulses, knowings, morals, thoughts, and feelings?”. This leads us to be externally focused, we become obsessed with doing, acquiring, and how we look doing it, rather than our level of being. We give our attention, our most valuable spiritual asset, away to work, authority figures, family, the TV, the news, celebrities, the list goes on. Spend that much time giving your energy away, and you are going to be incline to escapism based activities during your "free time", instead of making our masterpiece who we are on the inside.

   When we tune into ourselves on a being level, we are faced with the recognition that we are so much more than a body which does things. We are made up of thoughts, feelings, visions, desires, judgments, beliefs, spirit, intuition. What is a thought, a feeling, or a spirit? It is an energy. Most of us are believing our thoughts and dismissing, or denying, our feelings (particularly our “negative” feelings), generally speaking. We take on our outlook from what we learn in our environment, ie our parents, neighborhood, religion, our culture, and society at large. Few of us question this and lead our lives from this programmed perspective. Why? Because those around us validate us for taking on their information. It makes us feel included, accepted, and loved. It is easier to function in a world where we share the same ideas, than to go against the grain and be something radical, like our true selves. As children, our very survival is at stake, so we learn early on to behave and believe in a way which pleases our parents and or our peers. It becomes a subconscious survival mechanism.

   The human race is faced with insurmountable number of problems. If we look around the world, it is easy to find more things that aren't working versus people living in harmony with each other and the environment. It is safe to say that the human race is suffering from mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual sickness/trauma. In fact, this sickness is so prevailing, it is largely unnoticed at it's fundamental level, and is instead considered normal. When we take this into account, we see that the average person is programmed to serve a way of life that takes them away from their true selves and perpetuates this abnormal norm. We are taught what to think, not how to think. We are taught the value of things and hence how to feel about them. Rarely are people given the freedom to discover what is truly going on inside for them and therefore never fully discover themselves, their potential, or their natural rhythms. Unless one gives that to themselves they are doomed to be a cog in the machine that is our sick society.

   So how do we heal this? The first step of course, is to acknowledged that this approach isn't working for us. The first step is always admitting we have a “problem”. How else can we change if we are in denial, if we are unaware of our “dis-ease”? Our interactions with our external environment stem from the status of our internal landscape, so we must start there. Of course there is no one path to ourselves, but one way is to get in touch with the energies that are currently creating our programmed selves, and as we shed these away, reawakening what is truly inside us. As we begin to see our programs clearly, we sharpen our sight, our ability to see what is, versus the story we have told/been told. As we discharge our emotional backlog, our emotional center can more clearly reflect reality. As we truly get into our bodies, we learn its natural rhythm as apposed to using the body as an instrument of “doing”, regardless of its needs and messages. This will free us up to act upon viable new ways of shaping our world. Meditation is helpful here. It trains us into this state and can be a way of transforming our internal landscape.

   For centuries, the great mystics have told us the importance of the space within referred to as the witness. Here, there is no judgment, no belief, no preconception, it's simply neutral. As we strengthen this muscle it allows us to see clearly. The word clairvoyance, which refers to your third eye, simply translates to “clear sight”. We simply cannot see clearly, or think critically, when we view life through the programs given to us by external means. We view ourselves and the world through the story we have been told and then retell it. We exist in a prison we cannot touch, yet the walls of our lie filled lives eventually cave in on us, causing stress, grief, fear, shame, anger, and frustration. When we see things as they are, then we can act accordingly, and can avoid a life of perpetually hitting our head against those invisible walls, wondering deep inside “whats wrong with me?”. We can distinguish truth from lies, programs from reality, our false self from our true being. This emboldens us to live a richer life, engage more fully, connect more deeply, find understanding and clarity. To do this we must go within. We must. It is the only way to engage with the world in real time, in the moment, in a real way. We cannot build anything sustainable “out there” if our internal foundation is held up by smoke and mirrors. So we must investigate ourselves honestly and sincerely.

   As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, and this applies to this process as well. It takes time to deconstruct our false self and to let our true self emerge. We also can't do it alone. And while we can learn from others who have walked this path themselves, we must be careful to not to fall into the guru trap. It is important to come to these understandings deep from within ourselves, and not just adopt the understandings of others in a conceptual way. Even if their understandings prove to be true, all information gathered from the outside must be put to the test within ourselves, and be lived.

   You can start by simply taking stock of what you were told growing up, realizing what stories you adopted, locating them in your body, noticing the feelings that are keeping them in place. When you get "triggered" about what is going on in your life now, ask yourself: "when is the first time I felt this way?". Look at what behaviors the family members, teachers, or friends in your life validated and which ones they did not. Feel the emotions that come up around what you were told and dig deep, layer by layer. One way of looking at it is when you adopt the beliefs of others, you could say on an energetic level, they are in your space. When other people are in your space, you are not able to utilize that energy for the benifit of your true self until you let it go. So in essence, you are giving that away. 

  When you are giving your energy away, you are not you in that moment, you are what they want you to be. This is going to cause stress in some form, consciously or unconsciously, because you are not living according to your own information, to what is right and healthy for you. Before you can know what is right for you, you have to deconstruct that which isn't, and find out who is in your space. Allowing your emotions to move freely throughout this process releases them and creates the space internally to move beyond the old way. In addition to this, once again, it is important to witness these stories from a place of neutrality, without judgment. In this way you release your attachment to them and can then see beyond them. Let your self love fill this new space you have created.

   I find that when we acknowledge ourselves as energetic beings, it frees up something inside. It allows us to access movement in what was once fixed. Clairvoyance is the ability to see these energies in a way beyond the five senses which deepens the spiritual connection within. Since we have been programmed to ignore this capacity and give our attention away to external information, it has limited our capacity to know things for ourselves and have real certainty or intimacy with ourselves. When we see the energies around and within us, it gives us the power to transform them for ourselves, and seats us back in the power position of our own being. No longer dependent exclusively upon external means to relate to our own lives. We live our own way, according to our own knowing, in responsibility to ourselves.

   If more people around the world were to discover themselves in this way, our world would automatically transform. Personal responsibility would provide the world with the freedom most of us are craving deep down. But if we continue to buy into what we are told by the “big daddies/mommies” of our patriarchal world, we will fall under their spell and be enslaved by their story. It is clear by looking at the state of the world, their story is a nightmare, so we must wake from it by embracing our true selves if we want to better our lives. We are the ones we have been waiting for. The path to a better life, within and without, begins with where we place our attention. 

We clean everything, right? You wouldn't dream of using the same dish twice! Most of us anyways ;) We must have the same attitude and vigilance when it comes to clearing our internal home, claiming that space for ourselves. Tending to our true selves and letting go of the rest. I invite you to reclaim your space, to see yourself and the world, as it is. You are worthy of your own attention. It's ok to love who you truly are. And as they say, "Be the Change You Wish to See". 

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
― Oscar Wilde

Who would you be without your story? 
Who are you underneath the conditioned self? 
Who would you be, if no one had ever told you what to think?
Most people live their lives without even knowing to ask that question, which saddens me, because it is perhaps one of the most crucial questions to ask, for mankind.